


for him.

by ElizaAllanPoe



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, M/M, Pillow Talk, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 00:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8380978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaAllanPoe/pseuds/ElizaAllanPoe
Summary: He tried to fight it, but the truth is Lukas couldn't go more than a couple hours without needing to hear the sound of Philip's voice. And needing someone the way that Lukas needed Philip, that was simply dangerous.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title is taken from Troye Sivan's song of the same name

It started slowly.

The craving that Lukas felt for him, the need. It all crept up on him, and it spread like a wildfire inside him. Engulfing everything he had ever known.

Lukas didn't know what the feeling in his chest was, but he decided that it must be fear. Fear that someone, anyone would find out about him and Philip. The fear of someone telling him how wrong it is.

The fear of him having to explain that it just doesn't feel wrong to him. He knows he shouldn't like Philip this way, but God, he does. 

Nothing about the way Philip kisses him feels wrong. He kisses like the way he takes his photos. Confidently, and with all of his heart.

Nothing felt wrong about the way he touched him. The way he knew exactly what to do to drive him crazy, and feel complete.

Nothing felt wrong about the way he looked at him, like he was something beautiful.   
::

"Lukas" Philip whispers into the dark, pressing his fingers into the blond's hair, his voice dripping in need.  "Fuck, Lukas hold on, look at me, I wanna get a photo of you like this"

"Of me like what?" Lukas asks teasingly looking up at him, blue eyes hooded. He gives Philip's cock one last lick up the side, and Philip's jaw drops, soundless. 

"Of you and your pretty mouth all swollen from me." 

::

They don't talk in school, but the eyes are enough. When they make eye contact Lukas can see how much him kissing Rose hurts Philip.

He see's something far away in his eyes, something sad. Lukas has seen so many different emotions plastered among Philip's face, from complete fear to complete need. But never this, never this dark. 

He hurt him. 

He's always hurting him. 

_"You think you can hit me in the face and still fool around?... You need to choose."_

He wishes he could say that he already chose, but he's too afraid to let go of Rose. He's too afraid to let go of the facade. He's too afraid to admit that Philip has a hold on him stronger than he's ever felt before in his life.

He wishes he could scream it from the mountain tops.  _I like him._

He tried to fight it, but the truth is Lukas couldn't go more than a couple hours without needing to hear the sound of Philip's voice. And needing someone the way that Lukas needed Philip, that was simply dangerous. 

His father had told him plenty stories about how he and his mother had fallen in love. They were happy, at least thats what his father believed. But one child later it turns out he wasn't good enough for her anymore. 

_" I needed her more than she needed me. She could move on easy, she proved that. She could find someone else." His father had said one day when he was thirteen. He tried to sound brave for Lukas, but his eyes had betrayed him._

_"But me, Lukas, I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving her."_

_::_

 "How many boyfriends have you had?" Lukas asks, turning his head to the side of the pillow to face the man he can't rid himself of.

"I've n-never had one." 

"But you said you've done this-"

"I've hooked up a few times. They didn't mean anything, they were faceless." Philip says as he finally looks Lukas in the eye. "It's never felt like this. As good as this." 

_How could it be so good when the whole world is saying it's wrong._

"I'm going to hurt you." Lukas gulps and turns away.  _This is going to burn away._ "And you're going to leave me. You're going to leave this place, and I'm gonna be left behind. To just.. remember you. What this was like." 

"So don't hurt me." Philip whispers, eyes shut. 

" It's all I know how to do." Lukas says, his eyes red, and throat tight. "I don't know why I do the fucked up things I do, I don't mean any of it. It's just e-easier." 

"It's easier for me to hate you?"

 "I-Isn't it?" Lukas asks incredulously as he wipes at that tears that threaten to fall.  "I'm not easy to love." 

Philip is quiet for a moment and Lukas fears that his words worked and that Philip had actually given up on him. 

"It's not easy to not love you." 

**Author's Note:**

> thankyou for reading, have a lovely day xx


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